Bonus!! Chat Box Manipulation

Yesterday, I received a one month chat ban from PokerStars. It got me to thinking about how incredibly important the chat box is to being a successful poker player. I mean, if you aren't using the chat box to your advantage, what are you really doing with your time? Pretty much any regular on Pokerstars could tell you that I am an avid chatter. Below, I'll outline some important aspects and details of what it takes to become a great chatter.

Berating Regulars

I've put this tactic first because I believe it is the most important aspect of chat dominance. It's important to let regulars know constantly that they are complete and total shit, especially when they have just won a hand off of you. If they win by sucking out, you should start your chat with a nice LOL, then head directly into a rampage of insults. It is important to keep the insults fresh and not use the same insults too often. I would also personally recommend staying away from common stuff like asshole and instead go with two or three part insults such as anal wart seed or cum chugging champion. Threatening the well being of said regulars is also acceptable, but should be kept to one threat per month per player. My favorite personal chat ban so far came as the result of threatening to "burn you all at the stake like a bunch of cracked out gypsies". Whatever you choose, it is essential to let your opponents know that they may have won the hand, but in your eyes they are still worthless trash, and you are at least one hundred times better than them at everything.

Leveling/Confusing/Attention Stealing

These tactics are also very important to your overall success as an online poker player. Many players, just like in a live situation, will only chat when they feel comfortable with their hand. In doing so, they are giving away a huge tell, and reducing their potential for profits. I think that it is important to chat non-stop so that your opponents can not pick anything up.

It is also important to balance what you are chatting about. Don't always be talking about the hand or even to the player who is in the hand with you. Sometimes, before a river bet against player A, I will casually ask Player B if he had a nice night out with his husband last night. This will serve multiple purposes. It has a high potential to tilt Player B who is probably thinking to himself, "WTF, I'm not gay!" but is now starting to question his own sexuality and think about the time he saw the outline of his best friends junk and kinda liked it. Not that there's anything wrong with that. This will no doubt throw off his game. Player A will also be wondering why you don't care about the hand you are in, and will be confused in his decision making.

When you do decide to chat specifically about the hand, make it personal. A good example is right before you shove saying, "Your mom likes when I shove into her". Anything works, but the goal is to keep your opponent from focusing 100% on his decision. Always remember the importance of balance in your chat. Typing "You bout to get bluffed clown" before smashing the pot button can be good, but make sure that you are sometimes actually bluffing. And be sure to show.

HU4Rollz

Whenever a player makes fun of a play you make or tries to use some of the above tactics on you, it is essential to challenge him to a HU4Rollz. This is a win, win situation assuming you don't suck. If the player accepts, you get to play a clown Heads up and make him cry when you take all his money and send him to the streets to beg for change. In the far more likely scenario that he refuses, makes some lame excuse, says he will play after his period ends, etc, you have showed him that he is beneath you and that you cannot be outchatted led alone outplayed. You know all the tactics, and you know when to use them. You have kept your alpha male status by showing that you aren't scared of a damn thing while you are sitting at your monitor clicking buttons. Inside, you know that if said victim ever did play you, you would send him back to his village to eat out of the family trough and clean the town pigs for spare change. Unfortunately, despite being an impish button mashing moron, he will probably be just smart enough not to engage you, but at least you showed him that you are the chat box boss.

Outright Fun

This is the only section where I think it is fair game to get the recreational players involved. You would never want to make fun of their playing style, as they are just there to have a good time, and as long as you arent Maxxmeister or one of the other idiots that can't even win with their massive bumhunting techniques, they are probably helping you pay your bills. Still, sometimes its fun to engage them in some harmless chat, and some will actually enjoy it. I particularly like to see where they are from and make some obviously extremely stereotypical comment about their country to stir up some fun. You can also make fun of their avatars if they have a picture of their child, wife, dog or anything that could be personal. Not only is it somewhat entertaining to have nonsense conversation about nothing; it will also help to distract the recreational player, and they might make a mistake that benefits you.

Sometimes, its just fun to see what people will get involved in chat wise. Occasionally, when games are really slow and I'm having a tough time getting a bunch of tables up I will just start heaving off the wall comments out there and see what sticks. I once had a 20 minute chat about how my pet zebra had just been stolen from my manor. I don't know if the other guy really believed my elaborate story, or was just in the mood for some bullshit, but it happened.

It really pains me that PokerStars has banned my chat. Without these chat tactics, I am probably just your average ABC Nit grinder, and I'm sure my winrate will suffer for the remaining 29 days of the ban. I just can't wait to get back to chatting. GL in the chat boxes.

Pat

An Introductory Mind Spew

Yo! I'm DRluck3. I am 23 years old for about a month longer and I play mid and high stakes No Limit primarily on PokerStars. In the last year I've lived in four different cities and three different countries. I'm American, and had settled in Las Vegas, but after Black Friday I was forced out of the county.

Originally, my girlfriend, amy8bug, and I packed up and headed to Vancouver, which was fine, but nothing special in my opinion, and we feared the cold of winter. After the World Series we packed again and flew south to the Dominican Republic, where I currently sit in a chair by the pool writing this post. It is beautiful here, but far from perfect, so in December we plan to move back to Canada. This time we will try Toronto, where hopefully we will brave the cold, and finally have a place to call our temporary home until the US regulates online poker.

I will say now that this first post is going to be kinda spewy and stream of consciousness as I try to spit out a bunch of junk I've been thinking about. I'm writing this primarily because putting my thoughts into words is sort of therapeutic. If one or more of you enjoys it, so be it. However, the coming posts will hopefully be much more organized. I plan to make a post about each of the cities I've lived in, as well as a post summarizing my year once I reach 1 million VPPs and achieve Supernova Elite. This post will definitely include some tips for those of you desiring either to become a professional poker player or make SNE. Now, onto the junk.

At the moment, I am extremely frustrated. I set very high standards for myself and I have been having a very successful year, basically reaching all my goals, and with my final goal of SNE very much in sight, I am on the brink of a great year. Yet, I find myself frustrated with a few things in my poker game of recent. I am currently on an 80k hands BE stretch, which has been extremely rare for me since I became a pro a few years back. I believe that my poor run is causing me to "tilt" and hemorrhage money in spots where I would generally make the correct decision and save money. This obviously exacerbates the problem and lengthens the losing streak. I also think I am beginning to feel a bit burnt out and this is causing me to lose focus and make poorer plays. I think that being burnt out at this stage of the year, when I've pretty much has 9 months to make SNE, is understandable, but I am still frustrated with myself for playing my C and D game far more than my A game. If any of you have any tips for controlling tilt and maintaining focus, I would be very interested to hear them. All in all, I try to keep things in perspective, and I can recognize that I'm having a nice year, but when it comes to my job I am a perfectionist and always striving to do better, crush harder, and make more money.

I think I am struggling a bit too with the fact that I have let my physical fitness slip this year. I was an athlete growing up and through high school. And although I spent a lot of my college time drinking excess amounts of beer, I always managed to keep myself in good physical shape. However, this year, with all the moving around and the complete lack of a workout facility here in Puerto Plata, I have lost probably about 10-15 pounds of muscle, and packed on a nice layer of flab to replace it. This is one of the reasons, along with not having to ride a golf cart to the grocery store, and having more than one restaurant that serves legitimate food, that Amy and I have decided to forgo the beautiful weather here and move to the blistering cold that Canada offers,. I am sure that returning to a less fat and more muscular physique will be one of my goals for 2012.

I've recently been thinking about how we in the poker world tend to judge success, and I'm actually going to write my next post about that, and leave my "city reports" for later. I promise I will be more organized and concise in my next post. I'm also going to be adding pictures at some point in the near future. Take care.

Pat

UPCOMING ENTRIES:

-Success

-Atlanta

-Las Vegas

-Vacouver

-Puerto Plata

-Beer

-Years Summary/Tips for SNE Chasers

-2012 Goals